{ The Secrets of Life as Newlyweds : Expectations vs. Reality }

The Secrets of Life as Newlyweds : Expectations vs. Reality

Have you noticed the marriage theme going on this week? Yeah, you’re not crazy. But I am. I’ve been a bit wedding crazy because I still can’t believe we got married one year ago and I think I needed a way to relive the experience and look back on our first year of marriage. Part of it is sentimental, another part of it is that I learned SO much that I want to share with you. I know that some of you might not be married or might not even WANT to be married. But that’s okay, some of the advice and I’ve shared are relevant to everyone. Today, I thought I would do something a bit more…funny….even though in the moment, it wasn’t necessarily as funny.

In fact, during our first year of marriage, I put a LOT of expectations on myself and the first few months, I was getting stressed out because I couldn’t keep up. What’s crazy is that I didn’t realize how much I have been influenced by society and what I’ve seen and heard growing up about what it means to be someone’s wife (oh gosh, I still get butterflies saying that! I’m someone WIFE! HA! Lil’ ol’ me? I still feel like a kid sometimes, let alone someones wife! Poor him hahaha).

We all have preconceived notions about marriage based on societal expectations & upbringing Click To Tweet

It’s been a process deconstructing the expectations I had about being wife and the reality of life as newlyweds. I like reality better because it’s less stressful and less pressure, but there are some things that I am still working on improving (i.e. cooking more often). So here are my dirty little secrets, a glimpse into our life as newlyweds, my expectations of what it would be like and what my role as a wife should be, and what reality has been. I’m sure hubby would have a different perspective on this, so maybe I can convince him to do an updated blogpost in the near future of what he thinks of all this! Stay tuned!

{ Expectation : Wearing cute loungewear all the time }

Reality: I still wear ghetto clothes around the house because there are times where I just don’t feel like looking cute or being sexy. I just don’t. I might feel bloated or have my period and I just want to hide under as many layers of clothes as possible and I don’t want anyone to look at me. Anyone with me? Or am I crazy? (Don’t answer that last question).

Although I appreciate the fact that it’s nice to invest in comfortable and cute loungewear, I’m also mindful about not spending a stupid amount of money. So I’m slowly replacing my old ghetto clothes with new cuter, sometimes sexy but mainly comfy loungewear so that I can avoid funny glances from my hubby and questions like “What’s that stain?” Or “WHERE did you get that??” (Answer: I don’t remember because it’s been so long).

{ Expectation : Having a home cooked meal every night }

Reality: Oh to be young and naive. Who was I kidding? Do I LOOK like Martha Stewart? (Please say no). I have to admit that part of me wishes this would be possible and I’m still working towards cooking more often because I love taking care of my hubby that way. But I needed a serious reality check. After work, I go straight to the gym, so by the time I get home, it’s close to 7 PM. I still have to shower, get my stuff ready for the next day, pack my lunch (thank God for meal prepping during the weekend), work on the blog, have some downtime AND spend time with the hubby…all of that and I try to get to bed at 11 PM. Realistic? Not really. But at the beginning, I would try really hard to cook often and let me tell ya, I got stressed out and tired VERY quickly.

I had to be realistic with myself. With the health and fitness goals I have, with the blog and with other life stuff that happen, I can’t expect myself to be able to do everything without running myself to the ground (which I have!). So what did I do? I get my parents to help cook some nice meals that I keep in the freezer (I know, I’m spoiled). I also try to cook on the weekend when I have time and I’ve been resorting to quick dinners like breakfast tacos (taco, eggs, avocado.. SO easy and SO delicious). And it’s okay. It doesn’t make me less lovable as a wife (which might sound crazy to you but that’s literally the emotional reaction I had…) and it doesn’t make me less of a successful person and wife. It just means that I have a lot of ambitious goals and some things need to be sacrificed. And IT’S OKAY! (I’m repeating that for my own sake, not yours, because I still need the reminder).

{ Expectation : Going out often and socialize a lot more as a couple }

Reality: I’m a couch potato. Ok, not really. Only sometimes. After busy weeks where I feel like a headless chicken, I mainly want to spend my weekends on the couch or working on my blog. My hubby is also doing his M.B.A while working and running his own business. We. Are. BUSY. So we haven’t been socializing as often as we would like and when we do have time, we like to travel or spend time with family. Although I wish we were able to see our friends more often, I think it’s a reality of life, and both of us are quite ambitious in what we want to accomplish so some things have to be sacrificed.

The reality of life is that you can't do everything - set your goals & your priorities Click To Tweet

Like with cooking, I’m working towards finding a better work-life balance so that I’m able to see my friends more often, but it’s also complicated when your friends have their own lives and schedules that don’t always work with mine. It is what it is and true friendships will sustain the test of time!

{ Expectation : That we would merge everything quickly & easily }

(Ok, is anyone else thinking of the Friends episode where Chandler moves in with Monica and wants to get a road side that says “MERGE” to hang above their bed? No one? Ok never mind then.)

Reality: I thought that when I moved in, we would seamlessly merge our kitchenware, electronics, even finances. Nope. Not even close. The stupid thing is that logically, it’s going to be more complicated because before moving into my hubby’s condo, I lived on my own for 5 years, therefore there’s going to be TWO of everything. The transition wasn’t as quick as I had hoped and to this day, there are drawers in the kitchen that annoy me because they are overflowing with stuff that we just don’t know how to sort through. But oh well, it is what it is!

I had this image of marriage where everything is shared (what’s mine is mine, what’s his is mine, amiright?). However, it hasn’t been as easy as that and even a year later, there are still things that we haven’t fully merged. I have my little pile of electronics that I keep in the office even though I feel like everything should be in one place so if you’re looking for something, you know where to look. Then again, all MY stuff that I use all the time ARE in one place so why am I complaining? I don’t know. Stop judging me.

What’s mine is mine, what’s his is mine, amiright? #ThoughtsonMarriage Click To Tweet

What’s the takeaway? That marriage isn’t what you expect it to be but at the end of the day, these things don’t really matter. What matters is the quality of your relationship and how happy you are together! The rest shouldn’t be important (like that drawer of kitchenware….).

If you’re a newlywed or married, what are some things that you didn’t expect? And if you’re not married, what are some ideas that you have about marriage? I’d love to hear your thoughts! 

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6 Comments

Zeynab

This is such a great insight into real life marriage.
I am so glad I came across your blog, loving your writing style feel like talking to a friend.

Zeynab x
The Beauty Load

Reply
Sepideh

Thanks Zeynab, I’m glad you enjoyed it! I wish I had read more about it before I got married haha

And that’s great to hear!! I’m basically writing the way I would talk to a friend so I’m happy it’s coming off that way <3

Reply
Sahar

Marriage is a wonderful opportunity to explore sp many things in life you think you had figured out 😂 My husband and I talked about all our expectations before we got married and got so much advice from our married friends that we had a ton of “Ah, that’s what they meant” moments!

http://www.saharsblog.com

Reply
Sepideh

Marriage is a wonderful and exciting journey indeed !!

I love that you took the time to talk to your husband about expectations before marriage! That’s a great way to have an idea of what you’re getting into and I’m sure it helped mitigate very challenging and stressful situations. Good for you!!

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