{ How to Master your Emotions in 3 Steps }

How to master your emotions in 3 steps

Do you sometimes overreact to what someone says or does? Like…really overreact and then you instantly feel embarrassed and you’re not even sure why you had such a strong reaction? Yeah, that happens to a lot of us. But I’m here to tell you that it’s possible to master your emotions if you follow these 3 easy steps. Like any habit or muscle, this process will take time and patience to master. But if you stay consistent and remember to use it, you’ll start seeing a drastic change. You will be in touch with your emotions where you will not only understand why you’re reacting a certain way, but you will eventually be able to prevent an overreaction from even happening. Doesn’t that sound awesome? Yeah, it’s cuz it is! So let’s get started.

To give you a bit of context, I’ve been dealing with anxiety for years where I felt like I was wasting so much time and energy on managing my emotions. I felt like I was never in control of my reactions and seemingly little things would trigger me in a tailspin that would sometimes ruin my whole day and even my whole weekend. When I finally decided that enough is enough, I was constantly trying to learn tips on how to master my emotions to manage my anxiety better and feel more in control of my reactions. Here are the 3 steps that I go through when something happens and I can sense that I’m having a strong emotional reaction to it. These steps help me process through the emotions to get to a point where I am able to let it go and move on (most of the time…).

{ Step 1 : Accept the emotion }

It sounds cliche but it really starts with acceptance. Be aware of moments where you’re having a strong emotional reaction to a situation or a person. Be honest with yourself and conscious that you’re having a strong reaction. Don’t overthink it just yet, that will come later. Start with being aware of your emotions and then be kind and patient with yourself, you are human and emotions are part of the human experience. You can learn from it because emotions are there to tell our brain a message (i.e. be careful, protect yourself etc.). Once you’re conscious of the emotions that you’re experiencing, you need to accept that you are feeling this way right now. It might be unpleasant and uncomfortable to feel angry for example, but guess what? That’s just how you feel right now, so just let it be. Accept it. It is what it is. You are feeling this way right now and it’s okay, you will eventually feel better.

{ Step 2 : Understand it the emotion }

When you have taken a step back and allowed yourself to feel and accept the emotion, it’s time to try and understand where it comes from. This requires more effort and energy because you need to really dig deep and ask yourself questions. Again, it might feel uncomfortable and unnatural, but push through. Trust me, the effort will pay off! To start, figure out the emotions you are feeling (i.e. anger, sadness, frustration, impatience etc.) Then, ask yourself questions about what triggered it, what situation or person might have instigated that particular emotion? Why are you feeling this way? Has there been other occasions where you have felt this way? Do you remember why? Understanding yourself is an important step in learning how you react to people and situations so that you can be better prepared next time.

{ Step 3 : Deal with it }

Depending on the situation, you will need to handle it differently. You might need to respond to it in an ‘external’ way by confronting someone about their behaviour for example, or communicating with a friend that their comment hurt your feelings for whatever reason. You might need to respond to the situation in an ‘internal’ way by working on yourself for example and developing your patience or compassion so that you’re able to manage a future interaction with them. Whatever the solution is, take a step towards ‘resolving it’ so that you can put the emotion aside, even if that means it’s something that you have to work on inside yourself.

The moment you become more aware of your emotions and reactions, it will be easier to manage them. With time, you will find that you are more and more in touch with your emotions and can even predict a reaction and will be able to prepare yourself to minimize the negative outcome.

It’s also important to remember that we’re all humans and we will never be fully in control of our emotions all the time. There will be times where you will get impatient, frustrated or just plain angry. And that’s okay. The important part is to learn from it and to grow so that the next time, you can do a bit better. You can be a bit less impatient. You can get over it faster. You can understand your reaction better. It’s all about making the effort to learn from a situation without the expectation that it won’t happen again, because most likely it will, but maybe the frequency will go down.

I know that these might seem general concepts so if you have specific situations that you need help with, send me an email and maybe I can help you work through it! What are some emotions that you struggle with and that you’re not sure you understand? I know this might be a personal question but when you start opening up, you are opening yourself up to the possibility of growing and even connection with someone who has gone or is going to the same experience. Share your thoughts and experiences with everyone! 

How to master your emotions in 3 steps

14 Comments

Sahar

I find that accepting the emotion is the hardest part of the equation for most, but the secret is that the rest is thankfully a whole lot easier!

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Serena

I found this very helpful, honey! I’m known to be quite emotional, maybe too much or too intense at times. It’s easier to let your heart decides sometimes. I need to take a step back. Most of the time, I take things too personally. I will be trying your steps next time. x

http://www.serenbird.com

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Sepideh

I’m so happy to hear that Serena!! Everyone gets caught up in their emotions, it’s totally normal! But it’s wonderful to also take a step back and start noticing why you react a certain way. It feels so empowering to understand yourself better!

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Sofia

Inherited ideas, acquired ideas, govern us and do not let us see the simplicity of life. Our ego resists give up because it does not want to feel loser; But if we start letting the ego hurt and not us, then we begin to make changes in those ideas that govern us.

http://arso.x10host.com

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Sepideh

Thank you for the deep thoughts Sofia! I agree that it all starts with the ego and once we let go of it, there are so many things that open up!

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Lailah

Like Serena, I take things too personally too. I am very defensive most of the time. I know I have to chill and understand that not everyone’s words are mean. I have trouble containing myself and most of the time I flip out in 2 seconds. I feel this sounds horrible and makes me look like an ogre, but I promise I’m not.

http://www.princessmiiaa.com

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Sepideh

haha I know you’re not an ogre! It would be an interesting exercise for you to observe why you flip out so quickly, maybe what someone is doing is violating an inherent belief or value that you have and you can’t accept that!

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Krista @ Reroute Lifestyle

I love this! You totally spoke to me in the first paragraph because sometimes I do things in the moment where in retrospect I’m totally embarrassed by it. But your advice is gold – instead of overreacting and dwelling on it, we should accept understand & deal with it! Preach my girl!

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Sepideh

I love hearing when readers connect with something I say! It happens to SO many of us to feel embarrassed and it’s totally normal so I think talking about it helps ‘normalize’ it in a way so that hopefully next time, we’re not as embarrassed!

Thank you for the feedback, I’m glad you enjoyed the advice!! It’s not always easy to take a step back from the emotions but being conscious about it and then working on that habit, it has long-term benefits!

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Anonymous

What a great blog post! I can definitely be an overreactor at times and occasionally let things bother me that shouldn’t do, so it’s definitely advice I need to take on board…I always find the first stage the hardest, it can be so difficult to accept a negative emotion but without it you never move forward! xo

Sophie | http://www.sopharsogood.com

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Sepideh

Thank you so much Sophie!! Over-reaction seems to be something that many of us struggle with and then trying to be okay with our ‘negative’ emotions can be challenging but once we start observing them, it becomes easier and easier to recognize why we react a certain way. It just takes practice and patience!

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